Wake up and smell LONDON!
 |
| Hey it's the intro to Sherlock! |
After hours of mind numbing jet noises, the flight attendants turned on the light inside the cabin. I smelled the coffee, I heard the rustlings of noises from the galley, I accepted the warm, moist towelette to clean my hands and refresh my spirit. It was time for breakfast.
I contorted my back once again and offered my mom another cold medicine packet complete with water and cup. She waved it away with a 'mumph' sound. Oh well, I tried.
Breakfast selection was egg product with potato triangle with or without sausage. Knowing of the culinary onslaught I was about to inflict upon my person, I chose without. I also had apple juice and tea.
The flight attendant put my brekkie on my tray. I removed my napkin and spread it across my lap. I picked up my fork, then...
Tap, tap, tap on my head. I slithered as best as possible to see the seat behind.
"Cold medicine when you get the chance."
-to-London-Heathrow-Airport-(LHR).jpeg?1366858662) |
| Not my brekkie, but the best I can do given the circumstances. |
If you're an avid reader of this blog, you may have read Edie-isms (link here: http://thisdoesnthappeninreallife.blogspot.com/2013/10/edie-isms.html).
"When you get the chance..." in any form, in any sentence is nothing but code for NOW!
I chugged my juice, balanced my tea, somehow maneuvered myself around my tray without spilling anything on myself or the poor guy next to me (!) and found a cold medicine packet for her.
"Why didn't you take it when I offered it?"
"I didn't have anything to take it with."
At this point I didn't have the energy to argue with that statement.
Little did I know this was a foreshadow of what was to come...
 |
| Picard gets it. |
I pulled the carry bags down from the bin and we made our way through to immigration. We were passed easily through despite the fact that mom tried to have a conversation with the agent with a lack of voice. Yes, mom lost her voice. There is a God.
 |
| Oh SNAP! |
Fifteen minutes later, mom had squeaked her way through a conversation with a lovely accommodating lady who tried to explain how to get to Baker Street via the tube. The train stopped and we found ourselves chucked out at Paddington Station.
 Paddington Bear, just chillin' |
Paddington Station is huge. Huge and busy. It was my first glimpse into the UK this time 'round and also my first glimpse into something I never would have believed if I hadn't seen for myself... pay toilets.
Yup, you actually have to PAY to use the
restroom. What evil mind conjured this kind of torture? Seriously, there is a special place in hell for you sir. Cuz, let's face it... no woman would wish this upon anyone friend or foe. What a jerk! Anyway, it was longer than 15 minutes, so of course my mom had to visit the facilities.
 |
| Kinda explains a lot... |
Knowing the fact that my mom's need to use the restroom was quickly reaching terminal velocity, I got my change and ran back to the pay restrooms. I slid a pound coin into a change machine and handed mom the spoils. I dragged the spinner bags out of the way and munched the pasty while I waited.
Despite the lady's detailed instructions, we (meaning me) dragged the spinners to the Taxi Rank and caught a new style London Black Cab.
 |
| This taxi stand is rank, yo! |
London is a lively place, even after 5:00 pm. The cool air permeating with diesel fumes brings to mind an old-world but comforting feeling. Your eyes play tricks on you and you see things in shades of gray. It's beautiful in a way, but I digress...
A drive through London rush hour and almost 20 pounds later, we were deposited outside the Park Plaza Baker Street Sherlock Holmes Hotel.
We checked in and made our way up to the 3rd floor room. Mom's fever chose this moment to kick in full force. Of course it didn't help that the thermostat in the room was set to MARS.
First off, there was one bed. There was supposed to be two. Mom ambled her way back to the elevator and down the stairs to reception to complain. I didn't care one way or the other. She returned.
"Oh my God I'm so hot. Oh my God!" Sweat pours from her head. "Go get someone to fix it." Compliance is always easier than argument, especially with Edie Baby. I rode the life down to reception and asked if there was a way to turn off the heat. I was promised that a maintenance man would be up 'straight away' to 'sort it out'. Fine. I go back upstairs.
Edie Baby is sitting in a chair fanning herself. A knock at the door. Stephen enters and explains that the hotel has two temperature settings, freezing and boil. The setting was changed to boil the previous day. Of course it was. After a few minutes, Stephen leaves. Mom sweats.
"Oh Jesus, I can't stay here. I can't stay in this room!" Now the tears start. I tuck my tail between my legs and crawl back to reception to beg for another room.
To the hotel's credit, they took mercy on me and my pathetic story of a 'very sick mum' ready to 'go to hospital' and 'could I please have a cooler room?'
A very annoyed valet took me on a tour through the hotel in what amounted to a maze. I kid you not, it was through 3 fire doors, one of which was completely hidden. I agreed as soon as I walked through the door and didn't feel my skin turn to ash.
He slapped the key card in my hand and told me to go get my stuff and he'd take care of reception. Some how, by some merciful act of God, I was able to pack up mom and our stuff and make my way back through the maze on the first try. Something I wasn't able to do afterwards.
We ended up with a room on the 1st floor (that's floor 2 to us States side folk). The window opened, which was odd for me.
"Open the window!" was the command. "It already is!"
She peeled off her clothes and crawled into bed.
This is when I learned the second lesson of London. Everything closes early. How odd.
I made sure the hag, I mean mom was tucked in for a few minutes and I went out in search of medicine and foodstuffs. I asked the concierge for a nearby chemist and was directed to a Tesco next door. A Tesco is a small-ish grocery store. No problem LemSip was found!
 |
| LemSip, the UK's answer to Theraflu. |
 |
| Open coffee shop, woo! |
Because I didn't see a kettle in the room, and there was NO WAY I was going back to reception, I stopped into an open coffee shop and ordered a cup of soup, hot water and decaf tea.
I carry the stuff back to the room happy to have found salvation in OTC drugs. HA!
"Where did you go?"
"To get you Theraflu and hot water. I also got you soup."
Tastes soup.
"Ack! That's disgusting!"
"Here, take some medicine." I pour the LemSip into the hot water and stir it. I hand it to her.
"I don't want it. I'm going back to bed. I need drink."
"Water?"
"Diet Coke."
She crawled into bed. I sighed, got undressed and grabbed my Nexus 7. There was a TV in the room, but I dare not turn it on less I wake the dragon.
And thus endeth the first day.
