DELAZONE!

DELAZONE!


It was our last day in UK. We awoke, bathed and instead of going out to breakfast, we settled for tea and biscuits in our room.

Around 9:00 we took our final stroll around the neighborhood, hit up the Waitrose, checked out the little stores and felt quite sad about having to go. Okay, I felt sad. Edie Baby was MORE than ready to go.



We were checked out and waiting in the lobby by 10:50. At 11:08, our car arrived to bring us to the airport. We were on Virgin Atlantic's Guest List. Which means we were brought to the airport, escorted through security and treated to the lounge. Good Times!

I got mom piled into the car- on the wrong side, of course. I forgot... well, you know. Anyway, we sped as much as possible through the streets of London to Heathrow where we saw this:

Super Awesome Groovy Thingy

I don't know about you, but I want one!

We pull up at the airport and go through a super secret entrance that has movable pylons blocking it. We curl around the private circular driveway and an escort was standing outside waiting for us.

She checked us in, printed our boarding passes and showed us the way through the private security line... and this is where things went terribly wrong...

British Airport Nazi

The TSA, or well the British version of that, patted down Momster WAY too hard. WAY too hard. She pretty much slapped her baddest ankle and so on and so forth. Mom was in tears and FUMING. We get into the airport proper. Mom was determined to get back her VAT (Value Added Tax) from buying her coat and blouse. I didn't even know you could do that, but evidently so. You can do it in NOLA too, as long as you aren't from there.

This required standing in one line, then another, then filling out a form, then putting the form into a special mailbox. The whole process took about 20 minutes. 

Despite that, Mom was still in pain and still fuming.

We made our way to the VA Lounge Elevator. There was a padded seat in it. In the elevator. That goes up one floor. ONE!

Padded Bench in the elevator

To be honest, I'm not sure how I feel about this. Is it the epitome of opulence, a gimmick, or just stupid lazy? Actually  I'm pretty sure it takes more energy to sit down and stand up again then to just stand, so I really don't know.

We check in at the stand and mom tells the lady about being rough handled at security. She immediately took mom into a super secret room to make a complaint. I found a place to sit.

We decided we'd go to the cafe area and grab some grub. Mom got Bacardi and DC.

Virgin Redhead
Our signature, The Redhead is a delicious blend of freshly muddled raspberries, berry liqueurs, shaken with
Bombay Sapphire Gin, finished with bubbly.

The guy came around and I ordered the above and to eat I had this:

Spinach Pie and Rocket Salad, Again with the Rockets!

Mom ordered a soup, and by that time I was tipsy and can't remember what it was but it looked like this:

Some type of soup.

After that, and about 3 more drinks, mom was feeling much better. Thank God. So, we ordered this:

‘Clubhouse’ burger
Grilled beef burger with marinated beef tomato, crispy red onion, gherkin, relish and chips

Which she enjoyed immensely  Things were starting to look up. Yay! I got the fruit. Not that it would do any bit of good now, but I was at the point where I really couldn't taste anything else.

Then we splurged on a dessert. Well, mom did. I don't remember eating any of it. But I could have. I think I was seeing double at this point. Yeah, it doesn't take much.

Something horribly delicious I'm sure.

Being the Ugly American I am, I wanted to give tips, cuz that's what we do. I had to go to the service desk and change a 10 spot. When asked why I wanted to change it, I explained that I wanted to tip. The lady got out the office lotto fund and changed one for me. How sweet is that? I guess it doesn't happen often.

Part of the fun of being in the clubhouse is that they have beauty services you can have done while you wait for your flight. Mom booked a facial for me. So I went and got it. It was a nice mini facial and everything smelled of roses. Of course I was bright red by the time I got out of there since I was exfoliated and being a red head, that's what happens.

Here are a few more pix of the clubhouse if you're interested.

 Our flight was announced, so we went back down the elevator and around to our gate. No one was waiting, so either they planned that we walked on or we waited too long to get to the gate. Whatever the case, we walked right on. A nice gentleman helped me put my bag in the overhead bin. Mom insisted on the aisle seat, so I squeezed into the window seat. And while I can't say I was comfortable, I did settle in for an 11 hour flight. I was given and sucked down my pre-flight beverage when... 



And then...

And just for good measure...

Why God, Why? Have I not been if not the perfect daughter, a really, really good one? Why must I be tortured so? Why? Why? Whhhhyyyy???? I kid you not, there must have been at least six of the things in our cabin alone. What the hell? This was an 11 hour flight and did they shut up? Oh sure... 10 minutes before landing.

Anyway, back to the report. 
It was a day flight, so we got no wash bag, which was really disappointing. Anyway, amoungst the screeches, dinner was served. For God's sake, give the brats some brandy!

I think it was some type of chicken stuff.

I didn't gag, and neither did Momster, so the meal couldn't have been that bad. The brats continued to scream. I took solice in watching The Lone Ranger on the in-flight entertainment system. It was a cute movie. Totally didn't deserve all the bad press.

Amerula was served again, and again, I didn't mind it.

I must have dozed off at some point. Because mom said that they walked around serving some type of cheese roll thing. I missed that.

About 2 hours before landing it was tea time. This meant sandwiches and some type of  mousse stuff.

Now I just spent 10 whole days in the UK. I've had enough tea to yellow titanium dentures. So I ask you... WHY IS THIS TEA DISGUSTING?  I don't get it. VA is obviously sponsored by Amerula, they would have to be to be able to shell out so much of it. So why can't a mega-British institution like VA get decent tea?

Twinings? Tetly? Even the hated Tazo is better than this swill. I kinda want to write a letter to VA in the vein of this guy:

Best complaint letter EVER

We landed without instance in yes, complete silence. Always the case... Always.

We waited by the curb to be picked up watching some Chinese guy get a ticket for either speeding though the terminals, blocking lanes or whatever. Either way he ran from the Airport police. So he got got.

We finally got picked up and brought home. This was waiting for me:

And all was right with the world.