As Time Ticks On... Like a BOMB!


The months following the previous conversation were spent nailing down dates, or trying to. 




How the hell am I supposed to prepare for this? 

First off...

SPEECH THERAPY!!!

What? You ask. Yeah, no kidding. I tend to hold my stress in my jaws. This is a really bad thing. Especially in my profession. I was clenching so very hard that the muscles in my jaws locked and I started pronouncing my words wrong. I was having a hard time being understood. I'm not blaming the last transcontinental trek on this phenomenon, I'm just saying...

Anyway, 500 smackers. hours of therapy and daily exercises later, I can speak properly again and all is right with the world. My voice world anyway. For now.

Next up: What to do with all the time we'll be there?

I'm a subscriber to various mailing lists. Who isn't? One of my favorites is a site called Living Social. Ever hear of it? If you haven't, it's a site that posts promotions that businesses use to get customers in the door. More often than not, the deals are really worth it. You'll experience a taste of what the establishment has to offer with half the cost. Not that I'm trying to push this particular company, but I have used the services on occasion and have been satisfied. Also, it's world wide. 

From time to time, I'd scan the UK offerings and send links to the most interesting deals to Haggi. 

Things like: 2 for 1 cream teas with champagne, dinner and shows and spa packages. Each of these emails was met with an 'I'll take a look at it' response. If you've ever been a kid, you know what that means.

Okay, fine. Momster isn't interested in discount meals or experiences. I get it.

So what is she interested in? 

Before this idea came up, my mom and dad adopted a new puppy. (I'll post that fluster cluck one of these days, but I digress...)
Meet Beatrix Potter. Yup, she's adorable. We're dog people. And when we're away, we like to see our babies via SKYPE. 

For my birthday, I had asked for the new version of the Nexus 7. Okay, so it wasn't new, it was a year old - 2013 version, but I had the 2012 version and was hoping for an upgrade. I offered my old 7 to my mom so she could SKYPE with the babies.


2012 Nexus 7



 'I don't want it. I'm getting the Nexus 9, and it's going to be better than yours.'

No kidding. That's a quote. Also not true, The Nexus 9 isn't better than the 7. Only bigger. Both have the capability of Lollipop... I'll stop there. Truth be told, I did consider the 9. I found it would be too big for travel and at the time of this posting, still lacks a usable keyboard. So the 7 it was for me. I have two now since the Hag turned her nose up at my generous offer. 


2013 Nexus 7


Nexus 9








I'll stop here for now, while you're hanging on the edge of your seat. Don't worry, this gets more interesting as time goes on.

Egrets, I've had a few...





Have you ever done one of those things that you knew you would regret later? I don't mean eating a creme puff that you know will show up on your ass the next day, or drinking an adult beverage that will exact its revenge in the morning. I mean one of those things that wake you up in a panic? Something to rival the PTSD of soldiers world wide?  

I have...



But maybe I should start at the beginning.

Several months ago it was a regular day. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and all seemed right with the world. (Yeah, yeah I know... totally cliche'. Work with me here.)

The phone rings.
Me:  Hello?

LOOOORRRREEEENNNNN...  It was the croak of Momster. Nothing unusual for the most part.

Momster:  I've been thinking...


Oh God! Don't think! Please don't do that...

Momster:  I'm kinda feeling the need.

Don't... don't....

Momster:  I want to go back. I feel like I missed out on a lot last time.

RUN! WTF is wrong with you? RUN NOW!!!!!  

Me: Are you sure?

Momster: Yes. When do you want to go?

Don't do it! Remember last time? It was a disaster! RUN!!!!

Me: Um... 

What the hell are you doing? Stop encouraging this!!!

Me:  Are you sure you're sure you want to do that?

Momster: Why not?

Let me count the ways...

Momster: But later than we went last time, it was too hot.

Too hot. "TOO HOT", SHE SAYS. What the hell are you doing?
     She's my mother, it's not like I can say no.
Yes. Yes, you can. I's easy. It goes like this:  nnnnnnoooooo.....
     I can't! She spent decades mastering the mother-guilt syndrome manipulation triggers. I'm impervious to it. It's my Kryptonite!


Momster: So why don't you look around for a class or something you can take later in the year okay?

Don't do it. I'm warning you... don't do....

Me:  Uh... okay, I guess.

What. Have. You. Done?
     I'm not quite sure.....





So yeah... it's like that.