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ATE!




I awoke early and somewhat eager for breakfast.

Mom crawled out of bed, got dressed and we called for the shuttle.

 I started brekkie with porridge that I sprinkled with a little brown sugar. Mom ordered the Belgian Waffle. Oh how she raved! It was crunchy, it was perfectly well done, the syrup was excellent, blah, blah, blah. All this praise was getting droll! Just kidding. After all the bitching, I was thrilled to see Mothra eating with relish.

Orange eggs, eeeeewww...

I had planned on only having porridge in the morning, but got guilted into trying Smoked Salmon with Scrambled Eggs. No, your eyes aren't playing tricks on you. The eggs were actually orange. Turns out that's what real eggs are supposed to look like. Not the genetically engineered eggs we're used to, but real eggs from real chickens that just roam around and do nothing.
Anyway, the salmon and eggs were really good. And now I had a tummy ache.

We caught the shuttle down to The Villiage. Most of my pics are from here, but I know how annoying that can get, so I'll show you just a couple.

I could post about seven thousand pix, but I figured a few random statues would do it.

We strolled around The Villiage looking into shops, looking at weird buildings and puzzling over random fountains. It's a great place.

The rain started to come down in a soft drizzle, so I walked mom back to the room.

The rain wasn't falling too hard so I went back out and did my photo gathering until the rain got a little too heavy to play in.

Back in the room, mom was sleeping. I snatched up my Nexus 7 and sat by the open window enjoying the rain and fresh air as I sat drinking tea and reading. I don't know about you, but to me, that is heaven. I miss the rain. I really do.

The wheezing from the bed had a soothing effect much like the rain. I was almost reluctant to wake Edie Baby for our 2:30 massage apt. But there was no way I was about to miss that. 

The Mermaid Spa was calling our name. 

We were asked to fill out a questionnaire siting our various issues. To this, I responded 'stress', because, well... you know.

"Tell me more about your stress." The lady said to me. "I'm taking my mom on a trek across the UK." I answered. "Say no more."
Then later. "Tell me how you would like to feel after the massage so I can know which scents to use." 
"A little less homicidal." 

The massage was nice. Not nearly deep enough or long enough for my taste. Mom enjoyed it. The lady she had worked with the fact that she was all shades of recovering and used some type of stuff to help clear it up. I heard them chatting from the next room the whole time. 

After the massage, we wandered about the village looking for stuff to buy and dinner. Mom found a bunch of pottery for friends and family members. I bought a shirt and sweatshirt. Then we went on a hunt for dinner.

Nothing was open. The Village closed at 5. We grabbed a cookie and a DC from the closing cafe. We got back to the room just as the rain started again.

Evening in Portmeirion is wonderful. Evening with rain even better.

Mom was wheezing badly.
"Say this... Luke.. I am your father..."
"Loren... I am your mother... Behold your
 future!" She is one cruel woman.


The nightmares that night... words cannot convey. I'm pretty sure it was at that point that I'd realized I'd lost the will to live. I'd lost it before then, it was just then that I'd realized it. But I digress.

It was raining, mom was sick and I wasn't in the mood for another heavy dinner so we decided on room service.

Soup for two with crusty bread and Welsh Rarebit.

Crusty Bread means crutons!

Welsh Rarebit is grilled cheese.

It was tasty and warm.

We spent the rest of the evening watching tv. The light turned off and the rain turned on. It was cold as hell with the window open but it sounded so nice...

And we end on day 8.

Seven Again!

Seven Again!



Ok, I know you're waiting with bated (or baited) breath, so I'll just jump right into it.

We took an Arriva train from Llandudno to Blaenau Ffestiniog. Where there is a cute little train station. There aren't any signs as to where to get tickets, but you get them in the little station/junk store. We found this out the hard way by my having to drag the bags up to the hotel and mom getting into a snit with the lady that sold Welsh Slate art. It was a little amusing. Or it would have been. Whatever the case, we walked back down the hill and got tix at the station to board the STEAM TRAIN! Choo-Choo!
The train pulls up. People and doggies get out. Yes, doggies. Lots of them. Goldens, Labs, little rat things... all shades of doggies. It was wonderful!

The engine was detached from the train turned around and stuck on the other end. 

A few minutes later, we get on the train and so do a bunch of others. Some with doggies. It seems as if a 2 1/2 hour round trip on the steam train is a regular and much loved outing by the people of Snowdonia. After riding the train, I knew why.

Blaenau must be a popular ending point for the journey because when we got on the train, we had our whole car to ourselves. The porter came in and took our orders for drinks. I got a Highland Special, mom had Bacardi and DC.

The trip through the Welsh countryside was stunning. If you want to see it, all you have to do is look at any Harry Potter movie where the steam train goes through vast fields of green. That's Wales. This one also went through the mountains. On one side you would see rock, the other, vast valleys filled with sheep and cows and clear running streams. It really was breathtaking. I felt the cool breeze coming in from the open window and I could't hold back a smile.

Waterfall in Wales

I'm not a literary aficionado. In most cases, I avoid the 'classics' like the plague. Through a strange twist of fate, I have found that I know more about Tolkien's crap than most. Not by any fault of my own mind you. But while riding the train, I felt like I got it. I felt that I understood what Tolkien was trying to evoke with Hobbiton. This was a human Hobbiton. 

I could go on and on, but you get it.

We got off at a tiny little station in Minford.


We were picked up by the Portmeirion Shuttle and brought to our next destination. The wonderful resort of Portmeirion.

So here's the deal with this place in a nutshell. In the 1920's a mansion was built on the land. Goody. Then in the 50's, old dude Clough Williams-Ellis, who was also an architect fell in love with Portifino Italy. He had a ton of money and a ton of land so he decided to make a hotel. He spent his time traveling around Europe buying buildings that were to be demolished. If they looked Italian or had a mermaid on them, even better.  So he built a whacky but elegant looking resort.

In the 60's, there was a British TV show called Danger Man. I've never seen it, but I hear it was a big, big hit. It was a cold war spy thing I gathered. Anyway, one episode was shot in Portmeirion. The star of that show was Patrck McGoohan, who later played Longshanks in Braveheart.

Anyway, when Danger Man was over, Patty Mac took the idea and did this:

A spy, one could or could not, assume it was Danger Man walks into the MI6 office and resigns. He gets home where he is gassed, knocked out and kidnapped. He wakes up in a strange village he's never seen. He doesn't know if he was taken by the good guys or the bad guys. He spends each episode avoiding the newest schemes to get the info out of his head and to get off of the 'island' (?). It was a brilliant show. It's name... The Prisoner. 

If you haven't seen it, it's worth a gander.

  

Hell, Iron Maiden dug it so much they made this.

Pretty good endorsement if you ask me.

This is a world class resort. Like for real. We checked in and Henry brought our bags to our room while we enjoyed tea. Tea, tea, tea. I do likes me some tea.

The picture isn't of our tea. I forgot to get a pic of it because my phone had died from all the pix of the train and stuff and I couldn't find the other camera. This is a random pic, but it was similar. 

TEA!

After consuming as much as I could, we took a shuttle up to our room, the Cliff House 1 to check it out.

Bathroom with heated towel rack

Is that a bottle of complimentary sherry? Why yes it is.

Comfy bed

Fun amenities. Why they have to be L'Occitane I don't know...

Oh so nice! Fresh air and a gentle rain...

Mom needed a nap, and I think I rested a little too at this point. We did have to get ready for dinner in a few hours. I think I walked outside and tried to get the lay of the land, but the sun was quickly setting so I didn't get too far.

Portmeirion Castle at twilight

We got dressed and called the shuttle for a ride down to the Castle for dinner.

Castle Dining room

Sweet potato soup

Momster ordered Sweet Potato Soup, which low and behold, there really is a God, and therefore a good reason why the sun shone down and Angles sang when Portmeirion came into view around the bend.

Goat Cheese, and red onion tart on top of  rocket and beet salad

Ok, I don't know many words that describe delicious, but here goes: The Goat cheese and Red Onion tart was salty and sweet, complimented perfectly with the beets and rockets. All mashed together they made a lovely mouthful. I spread the cheese on some bread and it was divine. Goat cheese is a big thing over there. No complaints from me. Any chance I can gross Edie Baby out is points in my book!

Pork fillet with roasted veggies in the back,  I
believe roasted chicken as a special in the front.

We all know what I'm going to say, so I won't. I'll say this instead. Mom LOVED her pork. Write this date down in history! Mom loved something!!!! And there was much rejoicing! I didn't try it, so I can't comment on it. I'm pretty sure I inhaled my bird.

Baked Apple tart and sponge cake with margarita sorbet

 A nice, light-ish desert. I still had an eclair back in the room if I really needed something bad. But both of us found the whole meal delightful.

We caught the shuttle back up to our room. I took a long, long over due shower taking great pleasure in the warm water. I crawled into bed, put on Buzzcocks and fell asleep. I think mom was out before I got out of the shower.

A nice end to a nice day. Day 7.

p.s. 

Sorry about the weird formatting. It looks different when you write than when it's published... ggggrrrr....

Siete

Cruising Along On Day 7!



The day started with the porter dropping off the same nasty tea and OJ. Instead of being on time, we were told the train was running late.

This was no surprise to me. The night was riddled with long stops of the train that didn't happen in the other direction. Also from time to time weird alarms went off. Mom slept through all this. I heard it, not just because I was awake and cold, but because my ears are so sensitive I can hear a rat fart down the block.

I have no idea what this is about, but it seemed appropriate.

The train pulled into Euston Station much later than intended. People poured out. Running, scampering, screaming, mayhem, anarchy, dogs and cats playing together... it was crazy.

Now picture this. Imagine me pushing 2 spinners, holding 3 bags and an extra coat tugging Mothra behind me up a ramp, into the lobby to check the platform and back down the ramp on the other side to catch our train. We found the Virgin Train to Llandudno Junction, jumped onboard and found our seats. Yay! We made it. Lots of other people climbed on as well. A bunch of trains were cancelled. People we grabbing onto whatever they could. The train takes off.

The Conductor comes around to punch tix. 

We're on the wrong train. Yes, I said it. WE WERE ON THE WRONG TRAIN!

Our train didn't leave for another hour or so. But, since we paid full price for a ticket, and the train was going to the same place, they didn't care.

So, we get to Llandudno Junction in Wales. 

It was my first glimpse of Wales and it was wonderful.

We walked around the tiny, TINY station. Mom thought she saw a big wild cat. I think she called it a Moor Cat. Looks like a regular cat to me, but I saw Nessie, so what can I say? You decide.

We had a good amount of time before our original train arrives and our next train leaves, so we hung out by the cafe. Mom ordered a BAP. That's fun to say BAP! 

A Bap is a Welsh sandwich. Mom ordered crispy bacon with mustard. She didn't like the bread. I liked it. It's kind of a mix between a rice bun and an English Muffin. Weird, but interesting.

BAP!

I took a pic in the bathroom for no particular reason except that the toilet had a pull chain and that made me laugh.

Pull chain terlitt

The Welsh are a very friendly and helpful bunch. One of the railroad guys came and got us and told us could get on this earlier train that just goes to the end of the line and comes back if we'd like a little extra just for fun. We did. It was fun.

The first impression of Wales is 'idyllic'. That word always made me think of nasty stuff like the goo you cough up when you're sick, but no... what it means is when something is happy, and innocent and picturesque. What you thought of when you were little and were told fairy tales. That is Wales in a nutshell.

 I'll keep the photos to a minimum.

Blogger is freaking out again....

to be continued.

On the Sixth Day, God Created Monsters. And It Was Good.

On The Sixth Day, God Created Monsters. And It Was Good.





My alarm went off some time around 7:00 am. It really wasn't necessary since sleeping was nothing but a memory from a different time.

Whatever the case, the alarm did alert me that at some point in the near future I would have to consort with other humans. At this point, the idea was quite daunting.

It was cold enough to be on its way, but even so, there was no way I was stripping down to bathe in a sink, Hell having frozen over or not. 

Being a dancer has taught me a lot of things. Much like a Federal Air Marshal has the ability to fire a gun from any position, a dancer, even a former one, has the ability to completely change clothes from any position. Bathe too, including but not limited to curled under the blankets in bed. 

On the bathing issue. I had the foresight to realize that at some point during this journey, this very happenstance might rear its ugly head. So I came armed. Wipes to the rescue! I made use of these things:

Dum duh duh Du,m!!!

They're big. They're wet. And they smell like horse liniment, so you know it's working. After the first pass with these, I went back with a more pleasant scented Playtex variety. Not as large, not as wet but with a soft bubble gum fragrance that's much more amenable to people than the equine variety.  For my hair I chose a Victoria's Secret Hair Reviver, which I don't think they make anymore.

It was at this point that I had a terrible epiphany. I had no Febreze. I looked all over England and found no Febreze. There was something in the back of my mind when I was packing to bring some too. Okay, yes, it has chemicals, and yes the UK is a lot more strident with their chemical laws than are we, but still Febreze is a necessity! At least for my neurotic ass. So what to do? I took all of those frazzling wipes and wiped off all of my clothes. Not the perfect situation, but it was something. 

How can a country consider themselves civilized without it?

Of course the cold didn't bother Edie Baby at all. She did enjoy the use of wipes though.

Promptly at 8:00, the porter knocked on the door and handed me a brown paper bag filled with Tazo tea (blah) and orange juice. She told us we were right on time for arrival. Goodie!

Blech

We packed our bags yet again. This was a chore for me since not only did I have to stuff my stuff in, but I was also given some of mom's items for easy access - for her.  Because my spinner bag is soft, it stretches. I was able to Tetris everything in and still manage to get my hair in pig tails and paint my face before arrival.

Get in there!

We arrived in Inverness around 9:15 am. This is what we saw:

Where's the station?

The air was biting with a faint scent of brine. The sea gulls squawked unseen in the air above. Everywhere there was a tentative silence broken only by the scre scre scre sound of the spinner wheels against the asphalt.

Oh yes, it was quite the morning for noir. We couldn't see the station so we followed the direction everyone else was in. I was happy to see that there were several doggies who had made the voyage with us. According to the porter, it costs an extra 200 pound for the beasties to go with. The reason was because a special service had to come out and clean the berths. I suppose that's more or less fair. 

Inverness Train Station is brilliant. Brilliant I tell you! We walked into the station looking for a place to stow our bags. Right there was the Left Luggage area. For five pound, you can stick as much stuff as you want into a big ol' locker. Much more reasonable than the nine pound per bag Euston Station wanted. 

Brilliance

We stuffed our crap into a locker and looked around. NOLA, LA, NY and all other metro areas in the US take note: If you exit the Inverness train station one way, you run into the Bus Station. If you exit it the other way, you run into a shopping mall. A shopping mall! Attached to the train and bus stations. What more could a girl want?

We knew we had to catch a bus for the tour later that afternoon, and the mall wasn't open yet anyway, so we walked around the back and through the tiny parking lot to the bus station.

How cute is this little place? Inside it has an information window, adverts for castle and loch tours and a cafe. Outside it has no more than 5 bus terminals. So cute. It also sits across from the Inverness Library. 

Public Library. Across from Bus Station.

We had some time to kill so after Edie Baby inquired about the afternoon tour, we had a nice sit down at the cafe. I purchased a hot tea for me, one for mom and a diet coke. I also got a chikki pie. Being the dumbass that I am, I actually had to ask what it was. What was it? Delicious that's what! It was a chicken pot pie in a pasty format without veggies. So just chicken breast and white sauce. Oh so good.

Chicken pot, chicken pot, chicken pot pie!

Mom had used the facilities in the train station, which she reported cost 20p, were clean and the male attendant very nice. It was my turn to use the facilities here. It cost 30p here, and I could not for the life of me figure out how to work the turn style. I must have spent at least 10 minutes putting coins in and watching them spill out. A couple of times the thing beeped at me. Still, I persevered! I fought with this thing for a very long time. Finally some guy came in and I watched him put the money in and push a button. I'm an idiot.

 

I returned to the table relieved of waste and self esteem. We set out back through the train station to the mall. 

Very popular this season.

It was cold. I had no hat. I wanted one. I had a mission. I didn't want to settle for just any hat. Or the odd owl ones that are in fashion over there right now. No idea what that's about. I wanted a billed beanie hat. I had one a while ago which I loved and somehow vanished from existence. 

Ah well. Challenge made! Challenge excepted!

HAT!

We strolled through the mall stopping at every store that had an accessories section. No luck. Mom saw some Inverness Ice Cream and wanted to try it. I'm not an ice cream person myself, not to mention that it was COLD, so I deposited her in the food court and went looking on my own.

Inverness from Marks and Sparks in the mall

Mom wasn't pleased with the ice cream. I didn't try it so I can't report on it. Sorry. I did find a hat though.

We continued through the stores and Momster found a shop that had suitable clothing for her. I stood sentry over the stuff while she tried on a bunch of things. It took a little bit of encouragement, but she got a nice blouse and a lighter jacket. She immediately wore the jacket claiming that her coat was too heavy. I pulled my hat over my ears.

We'd killed a lot of time, so we walked back through the train station to the bus station to wait for the tour. We had a few minutes, so back into the cafe for more DC and a scone.

Scone be tasty!

The scone had some raisins in it. It was satisfying in all it's processed flour glory. By this time, I was having dreams of colonics when I returned states side. But what can I say? A warm scone is a thing of beauty.

After about a billion years, it was time for the Loch Ness Tour! Yay! 

I got mom onto the bus and we got into the first seats in the front. The tour guide was a middle aged woman very knowledgeable and very in love with Inverness and the Loch. It's a nice thing to see. We learned all sorts of stuff about Scotland, Inverness, Nessie... all sorts of stuff. Of course I can't remember any of it.  I saw a furry cow. 

moo

We were dropped off at a small dock and climbed aboard a cute little boat to take a ride through the Loch Ness to Erquart Castle. That's Erquart, pronounced Irk-it, as opposed to Er-Quart like in NOLA.

Boat to go up the Loch

Taking the tour guide's advice, while onboard I tried the Highland Special, which is hot chocolate and whisky. Not only was it fabulously tasty - sounds gross, but trust me - it's supposed to make you see Nessie.

Loch Ness

More Loch Ness

Erquart Castle seen from Loch Ness

A Trebuchet getting Medieval on your ass.

What the Castle brags to be

How the Castle used to look

We had a few minutes before we were to meet back at the bus, so we checked out some local delicacies. Ginger Beer and Rose Lemonade. And yes, they tasted exactly as you'd think.

Random beverages

As we climbed back on the bus, one little girl decided my 'mobility impaired' mother wasn't allowed to have the front seat. I was going to rip her face off and bitch slap her mother for raising such an inconsiderate spawn of Satan, but mom took it graciously and hobbled to the back of the bus. I followed and sat on the right side leaning against the window.

The tour guide brought us back up over the Loch and into Inverness. While she was driving, I looked down and saw this:

Check out the bottom left.

That's right friends... I, me, Loren... actually got my own picture of the real Loch Ness Monster! Believe it, don't believe it. I took it, I know what I saw. And did I exclaim 'Look! It's the monster!'? Nope... I took the pic and kept my mouth shut. The stuck up little bitch never even knew. What's the moral here? Don't be a little @#$%#@~ when elders who are less ambulatory than you are around or the mean lady in the back of the bus won't point out the monster. That, and don't raise little bitches. Or your husband will leave you and you'll turn into an old crone and die.

Nessie Statue in Inverness

IT'S NESSIE!!!

We were dropped off in Inverness where we walked around a little while then decided on dinner. What to eat while in Scotland? Pizza of course! We found this cute little pizza place and ordered a basil pizza. I'd make a terrible food critic because I usually like everything. This was no exception. Pizza is hard to screw up anyway, but it was fresh and crunchy. Even Edie Baby liked it.

Unicorn statue in Inverness. They like the fantastic there.

After dinner, we had the joy of waiting in the train station until we could board. No pubs open in this station... oh no. We had to wait in a waiting room. Not only that but it was full of children. Children who were bad, and nasty, and flatulent. I don't know why!!!

And they wouldn't shut up. Ever. And where do you think they were in the train? In MY car. All of them! There must have been about six dozen in one family. How the hell they managed to get all those damn kids in a sleeper car is beyond me. Why? Is more the question I want to know. But I really don't care.

We put our stuff down and hit up the dining car again. Same damn train, same damn crew. This time I ordered my new favorite drink while my phone charged. Yeah, I might be cold, yeah, I might smell bad, yeah I might be surrounded by the minions of the devil. But I saw Nessie, And that makes everything better.

In yo' face biotches!

This was the end of day the sixth.