Have you ever done one of those things that you knew you would regret later? I don't mean eating a creme puff that you know will show up on your ass the next day, or drinking an adult beverage that will exact its revenge in the morning. I mean one of those things that wake you up in a panic? Something to rival the PTSD of soldiers world wide?
I have...
But maybe I should start at the beginning.
Several months ago it was a regular day. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and all seemed right with the world. (Yeah, yeah I know... totally cliche'. Work with me here.)
The phone rings.
Me: Hello?
LOOOORRRREEEENNNNN... It was the croak of Momster. Nothing unusual for the most part.
Momster: I've been thinking...
Momster: I'm kinda feeling the need.
Don't... don't....
Momster: I want to go back. I feel like I missed out on a lot last time.
RUN! WTF is wrong with you? RUN NOW!!!!!
Me: Are you sure?
Momster: Yes. When do you want to go?
Don't do it! Remember last time? It was a disaster! RUN!!!!
Me: Um...
What the hell are you doing? Stop encouraging this!!!
Me: Are you sure you're sure you want to do that?
Momster: Why not?
Let me count the ways...
Momster: But later than we went last time, it was too hot.
Too hot. "TOO HOT", SHE SAYS. What the hell are you doing?
She's my mother, it's not like I can say no.
Yes. Yes, you can. I's easy. It goes like this: nnnnnnoooooo.....
I can't! She spent decades mastering the mother-guilt syndrome manipulation triggers. I'm impervious to it. It's my Kryptonite!
Momster: So why don't you look around for a class or something you can take later in the year okay?
Don't do it. I'm warning you... don't do....
Me: Uh... okay, I guess.
What. Have. You. Done?
I'm not quite sure.....
So yeah... it's like that.
