Stuff It!

Yay! Reservations booked. Itinerary set up. Confirmations printed. Now it's time for packing.

If you find that you've been following this blog, then you will know that packing is one of the things I find more or less interesting. This time is no different. Except more so. Because I will be taking another flight on a budget airline, my challenge has increased. EasyJet. It's like the demon spawn of Southwest and Spirit Airlines. EasyJet will allow you to bring a cabin bag. A cabin bag. That means you can have a handbag or a roller bag, but not both. And no, they don't care which. Even if you're a sick kid and need insulin, you have an extra bag, you're paying an extra amount. In this case, the extra amount is more than the price of the ticket. Let me say that again. To bring a bag, it's MORE THAN THE TICKET. 

Challenge: Pack all crap in one roller bag.

Now, if I were just going to London for a quick jaunt, this really wouldn't be a problem. I'd be staying at a decent, and God willing, rat free hotel, wearing less than I had on the previous visits due to warmer weather and eating like a local. But no, this time Cannes is in the mix. What does that mean?

It means I have to bring nice clothes.

Cannes is... how to explain it... everything you've thought L.A. to be and then multiplied times infinity. It's superficial douchebaggery taken to the level of a religion. It's pathetic-role-your-eye people judging you in a nano second.  

 It's also expensive. Audaciously so. More on that later.

So, what does one do when faced with having to put all things and nice clothes into one tiny bag? I certainly can't bring my fantastic black SkyRoller bag. It's too big. No, I have to bring the small, hard, pink one. I also have to bring my dreamie sleep sack, shower shoes, at least 1 dress, decent day time clothes and heels. You wouldn't think that a pair of heels takes up a lot of room, but boy do they!

But that's not all. I also have to bring chargers, tablet compy, phones - 1 for US, 1 for UK, emergency med pack, various wipes, chemical arsenal etc, etc, etc. What does one do?

One looks on Ebay and finds this:

Awwww yeah. I'd been lusting after this baby for years. I found it brand new with tags on Ebay for 1/3 off and in black! Woooooot!!!!

That's right! Read it and weep. 18 pockets of super spy-esque goodness. What can I say? I like pockets.

Since I'd be in the Valley of the Carbs, (i.e. France), my irrational brain also thought it would be a good idea to bring my own food. Don't laugh. I'd done it time and time again. I can't count how many times I snuck an Meal Ready to Eat pack in my bag. Believe me... it's saved not only my rear, but other's too. On more than one occasion no less. (Just ask my palls I gave a few to to bring to India. They thought they were a God send.) So I tried it. I stuck an MRE in my bag. Since it's a carry on only, I couldn't open it - due to the chemical nature of the heating element. The MRE, even just one took up massive amounts of space. Space I couldn't spare. Disappointing. Those things really come in handy. Try it next time.

No problem, go to plan B. Bars! 

You can live off of bars. Protein bars, energy bars, candy bars... it's not the most healthy of diets, but it'll due in a pinch. That's what they put in 3 day emergency earthquake packs. Given the expensive alternative, why not?

Why stop there? Why not bring my own tea? Why not bring my own coffee? It will save space in the long run, right? RIGHT? DON'T JUDGE ME!!!!

Here is my food pack:

WTF??? Yeah, it's okay. You can say it. Most of this stuff I had laying around. In this motley crew you'll find: Mini protein bars, mini fruit and nut bars, tea mix, cocoa mix, all-in-one coffee mix, extra coffee mate, fruit strips, oatmeal and powdered peanut butter. Yes, you read that right. Powdered peanut butter in regular and chocolate. And powdered berries. Not too bad actually. I could probably survive a natural disaster with this. 

And since I'll be actually walking around and, yes, unfortunately, talking to people, I need a bag. At least a small one. I didn't think my Ameribag would fit into the rollerbag, so I dug through my closet and came up with something like this:

I purchased one similar to this years ago, second, third or fourth hand off of the beloved Ebay. I hadn't used it in a while, and since it fit right in with the type of jackass wannabe people I'll be around, I thought it was perfect. It also packed nicely. I also needed a slightly bigger bag just in case, so I packed my bag with this logo: Ya gotta do what ya gotta do. Plus it folded completely flat so it was fine.

Also, in went a few nice blouses, a couple of pair of tights/leggings, a wrinkle-free knit dress and a pair of rubber 3 inch heels. I was good to go!

Ah, but I will be taking a class, and therefore need to bring my portfolio. In this is stuffed my notes and various paraphernalia of my trade. I love my portfolio. I got it for free at a convention, but it's perfect for me.

It looks like this:

In it also goes all of my confirmation codes, boarding passes, train tickets, maps, travelling instructions, class notes, headshots, various contact information, etc.

I promise, more funny to come...

So What's The Problem?

So here is how it stands.

In order to take the class, I have to go to the UK. To go to the UK, I have to take a flight. The only flight I could afford was an award ticket. With this particular award ticket, there were only 1 week increments that I could use. So, I would have to stay in the UK... for a week... to take a one day class.

Now we come back to the realization that a logical person would say 'it's not worth it', or 'I'll wait 'till next time', But did I do that?

Again, I have no excuse for my behavior. But think of all the museums I could see! I could visit the Tate, the British Museum, the Imperial War Museum! I could do rubbings! I could see a different show every night! I could pub crawl! I could inundate myself with culture and intellectual stimulation! Yes! Brilliant! London for a week! Oh Yes! Yes! Yes!

And then...

And then a very cheeky and somewhat evil friend of mine,who shall go unnamed, except for the moniker Stunningly Beautiful Grady (SBG) put a worm in my ear.

CANNES! She says... south of France, the Film Market, the Film Festival... the celebrity, the pageantry the beautiful scenery. And besides, I have an actual reason to go, don't I? 

Truth is, I did have a reason to go. I'm working on a real, live, actual project. I had been to Cannes for the Film Festival and Market in the past. More than once. Things didn't go so well. That couldn't happen again could it? Nah. Lightening doesn't strike in the same place not once, not twice but three times, could it?

Then again, maybe it could.

Yeah... that's me

Being my neurotic self, and with the worm deeply ensconced in my gray matter, I couldn't bring myself to ignore the fact that I have a chance to move things along in Cannes. I couldn't learn from past experiences and leave it alone. I couldn't leave that particular stone unturned. I Just. Couldn't. Do. It.


But more on that later.

For now, a mad scramble to make plans. As it was, the pound to euro ratio was working in my favor. I'd end up spending pretty much the same amount of money flying to France and staying a night or two there as I would staying in London. Less, probably when you factored in all of the temptations at my fingertips. So I did it... I pulled the trigger on Cannes.

Sorry about all of the exposition in this post. The hilarity ensues forthwith.

The Best Laid Plans of Mice and... Me

 

JC!

Ah... Planning! Half the fun. There is even the theory that planning some type of trip or vacation as a happiness technique raises brain waves and releases endorphins. You aren't actually supposed to take the vacation though. What's up with that? Sounds like a bait and switch to me. 

The plan was to be simple: 
Leave Thursday evening, arrive in London on Friday morning. 

Enjoy a nice cream tea at a place like Fortnum's, spend some time with a friend or two. Spend a quiet evening preparing for class. 

Saturday, take the class, learn everything I need to know to make my life stupendously better and sky rocket my career. Spend a good night seeing a show in either the live or cinematic variety.

Depart London on Sunday morning. Arrive home on Sunday evening, get back to a regular schedule. No one would barely know I've come and gone. Just a quick blip on the radar. A little meander in the present course of daily life. No big deal, right?

...

That might happen in the perfect world. Hell, that might happen in any one else's world. But this is Loren World. And as we know, (or if you haven't subjected yourself to the previous posts will soon find out), Loren World does not lend itself to the laws of the natural Universe, but instead blends some type of pseudo-reality that would give Neil DeGrass Tyson wet dreams.

In Loren's World, there is some type of reverse Karma that rules the sun and stars. 





And in Loren's World,  Guardian Angels don't line up in a nice regimented line and protect me, no, they bat me around like a cat playing with a bug. 

The Definition of Insanity... You're Doing WHAT Now????

You're Doing WHAT Now????

There are some things in this world that can't be explained... bumblebees being able to fly, the human intellect, and this:

I'M GOING BACK... AGAIN!

Agreed: A rational person would close the book on this part of life and move on. A rational person would balk at the mere whisper of the notion. A rational person would laugh in the face of an idea so absurd. Alas, I am not a rational person. (The jury is still out on whether this is a good personality trait).

Not that there is an excuse, but if there were, I'd have to put the blame on the American post-Olympic-under-dog flicks that pop up every so often like The Mighty Ducks, The Bad News Bears Part 2 and the epic trilogy of the Karate Kid. 

But if I really had to point the finger, I'd have to say it was being brainwashed by ridiculous things like the Declaration of Independence, school kid encouragement

posters, and

pithy proverbs by persons like this Rat Bastard:

See what I did there?

I'm quite certain I stared at this poster for more than a few of my formative years:

Answers a lot of questions actually.

What ever the reason, I was browsing the evil interwebs and found an upcoming class that had whetted my appetite for knowledge. Why would I do such a thing? Why would I put myself through another round of torture? Why in God's name did I think I can afford this?

Sorry for the language.

Whatever the case, what has been done has been done. In for a penny, in for a bunch of pounds. Go for it! YOLO! And whatever other cliche will make me feel better. Besides, I have enough VA points for a free ticket! Woot!